THE MISSING CHECKLIST ITEM. Everything's booked except this.
The venue's booked. The caterer, photographer, DJ and florist are confirmed. Somewhere along the way, though, the planning became about the party. But a wedding lasts one day. A marriage lasts a lifetime. What's missing from your checklist? The skills to build a healthy, happy and h-o-t-t™ relationship that lasts.
The Vision
Picture your marriage in ten, twenty, even forty years. Most couples describe the same thing: best friends who still laugh together, are valued by one another, and still have all the feels for each other.
That vision doesn't happen just because you said two little words. Love gets you to the altar—skills carry you the rest of the way. Entering your relationship intentionally will increase overall marital satisfaction and help you navigate/avoid the typical pitfalls that can lead to failure. Yet nobody teaches you how to communicate well, fight fairly, or keep the love light burning. The middle of a heated discussion is a terrible time to start learning—it's far easier to build those skills before you need them.
Skills Worth Building
Couples married for decades say they wish they'd tackled these before the wedding:
• Communication: What's your style, and how does it mesh with your partner's?
• Conflict: What warning signs tell you a conversation is going south, and how do you stop the damage before it's done?
• Expectations: What roles do you each assume you'll play and expect of the other? What about the in-laws?
• Goals and dreams: Not just what they are, but how you'll actually get there.
• Passion: How will you keep your connection alive through stress, exhaustion and hard times?
The payoff is big. The skills learned apply at home, at work and with anyone you encounter in life. The Gottman Institute, which has studied couples for decades, links happy marriages to better health, wealth, resilience, longer lives and kids who fare better. Isn't that what you want?
What to Look For
Not every program is the same. Look for:
• A trained facilitator who works with you live and personally
• A program built around your lifestyle, dreams and goals, not a doctrine set in stone
• An approach built on your strengths, not a hunt for weaknesses
• Real practice, with exercises and feedback you do together
• References/resources for you to keep, like a workbook, handouts, or written plan upon completion
• Scheduling that fits your calendar and your wedding date
Add It to Your
Checklist Now
Hearts Unlimited LLC offers its Intentional Relationship Design program built around you and your vision of happily ever after. Meet with a live facilitator, learn new skills, sharpen the ones you have, and create a written marital plan, by you and for you, to keep your relationship as special in 25 or 50 years as it is today. Sessions fit your schedule, and all couples are welcome.
Ready to check the last box? Contact Ronnie Carpenter at hello@heartsunlimited.org or visit www.revronnie.net/maritaleducation.html.
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